Unhappy Marriage: Which is Better for Children: Staying or Separating?
Unhappy marriage:
Deciding whether to stay in an unhappy marriage or leave can be one of the most difficult decisions a parent can make.
Sometimes, despite the desire to live happily ever after, a relationship can become a union filled with tension, unhappiness and problems. If this is the case, then there is no way to hide it from children who, studies say, will become aware of these differences and the effect will begin to rebound on them.
A number of studies indicated the negative impact of divorce on children, but research indicates that these effects date back to before the separation.. In fact, marital conflicts harm children, especially if they:
- Frequent
- Warm-up (insults and loud noises)
- physically aggressive
- Unresolved or differences remain (in the eyes of the child)
- Conflicts about the child.
- It causes estrangement and silence between the parents.
Parents would do anything for their children and this could lead to a decision to stay together in an unhappy marriage.
But conflict can do more harm to children than divorce:
1. Damage to the relationship between parents and children
In an unhappy marriage, where stress and conflict are the norm, parent-child interactions also seem to show signs of stress.
According to researcher and psychologist Christina Koros, “...if the father and mother quarrel, sometimes the next day the relationship with the child becomes bad.” Why? The exact reasons are not clear, but there are a number of possible explanations.
Marital disputes drain the resources of the relationship, which gives way to ineffective or inconsistent paternity to take over the throne.
As the parents' energy will be drained, there is little left of this energy for the parents to provide.
2. Marital disputes trigger psychological and behavioral problems.
Marital conflict is associated with a range of internal problems (such as depression, anxiety, and introversion) and external behavioral problems (such as aggression and lack of order) in children.
3. Poor academic performance.
Children who are exposed to a high level of hostility and marital disputes between parents show that their school performance is low.
4. Low interpersonal skills
When there is constant tension and unresolved conflict between the parents, the child will have only minimal effective methods of conflict resolution.
Disagreements are part of life and the first place children learn how to deal with is at home, by watching their parents and imitating them.
If parents have a low ability to resolve their conflicts, children will naturally have limited and low ability to learn successful relationship skills.
5. Trouble in their future romantic relationship.
Children who experience frequent marital conflicts are more likely to have problems in their romantic relationships in adolescence and even adulthood.
Children who lived in homes engulfed in marital disputes, had a negative experience with romantic relationships, as their living in such an environment greatly limits their knowledge of how successful relationships work.
6. Emotional insecurity.
Research has found that when parents are in an unhappy marriage, conflict threatens the child's social and emotional well-being resulting from their feeling that safety within the family is threatened.
This in turn predicts the onset of psychological problems during adolescence, including depression and anxiety.
7. The increased likelihood of children getting divorced when they grow up.
Research has found that the highest divorce rates occur for children whose parents divorced after a high-conflict marriage.
The second highest rate of divorce among children was for those whose parents remained together but had high marital disagreements.
There are no parents who resort to divorce except as a last option, but sometimes it may be an option, especially if the conflict between the parents is severe.
Showing respect for your relationship doesn't always mean staying.
If you've struggled to keep it intact and it keeps slipping into a meltdown, respecting the relationship might be ending it rather than letting it die a slow death.
Only the spouses concerned can make the decision, and no one else is allowed to make judgments